He turned 4 this past weekend.
The day before his birthday, we sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn beside us and an activity sheet in our laps. As we placed stickers and searched for hidden items, I felt it then just how much life had changed in the years since he was born.
It was just two years ago when I became his mother in the strangest of ways. I stood in front of a crowded room and pledged to be an open book about God and faith and a life lived in pursuit. And in a moment more powerful and more beautiful than anything I could have anticipated, I became a mother of sorts to this boy I didn't give birth to.
The enormity of it all left me grasping about, unsure if I'd ever be the kind of mother he needed.
And it's true. I am not the mother who carried him within her own body and labored 40-some hours to give him life. I am not the mother who holds his hand in the daylight and sleeps beside him in the dark. I am not the mother who teaches him to count and read and live. And I am not the mother he calls Mama.
He needs her most, this Mama of his. He will always need her most. But I wonder if someday he'll need me, too. In ways none of us can predict or even prepare for. Though I am weak and faltering and oh-so-human, I have been given a gift. A glorious and humbling gift.
I have been given a son.
And in honor of his birthday, I have labored in my own way to create something beautiful for the boy who made me a mother.
Happy 4th Birthday to my sweet, funny, full-of-life godson Corin. You are loved.
(Click here for more pictures and details of the creative process for this project)