The music was playing in the background while I studied, wrote, tried to understand hard things. I wasn't listening to words or notes, just letting melodies soothe a weary soul.
But then I heard it loud and clear, as if He'd parted every thought in my head to make way for Truth to pass by.
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
I stopped what I was doing and pulled up the music player to see who was singing Truth in the middle of the afternoon. And I listened to words I'd been needing to hear for weeks.
I know a bit about raindrops. And tears. And trials.What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?
But it was the Truth of sleepless nights that resonated deepest. Because I know about thousands of sleepless nights. A body broken by too many years of illness. The daily battle to overcome weakness and symptoms. The never-ending struggle to defeat the urge to quit fighting.
For the past number of weeks, my treatment has been in transition and my body has been in rebellion. This week I've felt the weakest I've been since my diagnosis 9 months ago. And my heart's been heavy with the burden of an illness that always knows how to defeat me.
And in the midst of this hard week of humanity, these are the questions He's asked: What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know I'm near? What if a thousand days of weakness are what it takes to know the Strength Who carries you? What if all this hurt, all this struggle, all these broken hours--what if all of these are My Mercies in disguise?
For days I've pondered, tried to put words to complicated thoughts. And I've looked to the cross on a hill, seen the suffering and the loss, the death and the defeat. I've seen it and counted it Grace. Because isn't Christ on a cross--the linchpin of our salvation--isn't that God's mercy pouring down on all of us?
And when He asks all the what if questions again, I only have one answer to give. If this is what it takes to know He's near, if this is what it takes to know the Strength Who carries me, if this is all the mercy of God raining down--then there is only this to say: I am blessed beyond measure.
This week, only these...
860. Blessings held in raindrops
861. Healing found in tears
862. A thousand sleepless nights
863. A thousand strength-less days
864. Knowing He's near
865. Knowing the Strength Who carries me
866. Christ on a cross--greatest mercy in disguise
867. Being chosen to receive the mercy of illness
868. Being blessed beyond measure by the God Who carries me, you, all of us