Monday, April 11, 2011

In the Silence

On days like this, I wonder where all the words come from.

And where they go when they're gone, what pushes them away and dries them up.

I call myself a writer.  A poet, even.  And still I find myself sitting here without words.  Empty and weighed down, all at the same time.

It's been a long week, one full of juxtaposition.  A clear reminder that my body isn't well yet--and a fresh infusion of hope that I will be well one day soon.  A decision to pursue expensive testing--and a demonstration of God faithful provision in unexpected ways.  A desire to write, to speak, to be known--and an emptiness of words that leaves me silent.

In the end, I am left feeling a little weary from the journey.  Too weary to search for words that don't want to be found.

And then I remember.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)

The Word God lives in me.  And all the words that need to be written, spoken, heard--they are all His.  To give or take, to hide or reveal, to silence or give voice.

Today the words are gone, but He isn't.  And isn't that what all the gifts add up to in the end?  Him.  Here.  Now.

Words aren't enough to say thank you for that anyway.



519.  New journal full of blank pages and possibility

520.  Mug of extra-hot chai on extra-cold Spring day

521.  Thought-provoking discussions between friends

522.  Crochet project in hand while telling stories from the week

523.  Willow tree blooms dropping in the wind like tiny snowballs

524.  Surprise rain shower on the way to the doctor's office

525.  Doctor and I on the same page.  Finally.  An all-out miracle

526.  Treatment moving forward.  Finally.  Another all-out miracle

527.  Perfect white heaven clouds beneath a stormy grey sky

528.  Brightly colored bags to carry the around with me

529.  Dad who climbs trees, trims branches to let in the light

530.  Stuffed peppers baked to perfection

531.  Laughing hard enough to make the stomach muscles hurt

532.  Pink-tinged clouds scattered across blue sky at dusk

533.  Counting down days until vacation

534.  Leftover rice for breakfast, with milk and cinnamon--childhood memories in a bowl

535.  Giving myself permission to write instead of research

536.  Cat playing with pens while I write about life

537.  Friday finally arriving at the end of a long week

538.  Sun finally returning after too many days of darkness

539.  Fighting the cats for sun spots on the floor

540.  Strength for extra hours of work

541.  Reminder that my body isn't ready to back to those extra hours

542.  God's faithful provision, on the heels of a financial commitment

543.  Skeins of yarn staked up tall, new blanket ready to begin

544.  One tulip blooming in a pot full of winter's defeat

545.  Homemade molasses cookies to accompany each cup of tea

546.  Folding laundry late at night, knowing tomorrow will be better with one less thing to do

547.  Climbing into bed for an afternoon nap--oh the bliss!

548.  Rainstorm coming while I rest, making music on the glass

549.  Words finally coming together, letting me move forward

550.  Word God Who is always here, now.

551.  Knowing the words will come back when it's time

552.  Knowing He will never need to come back because He will never leave in the first place

1 comment:

  1. beautiful words and message, even when saying 'nothing' - POET - Definitely. <3

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