Thursday, January 27, 2011

In the Words

I sit down to write a post about me, to tell you who I am, to give you a window into the woman behind all these words.

Because some of you who read these words are my real-life friends, my flesh-and-blood family.  But some of you I only knew a lifetime ago and others of you I have yet to meet.

And I want to open my heart to all of you, invite you in for tea, share life across the kitchen table while cats and kids run wild.

Instead, The Fear walks through the door, sits down beside me, and makes me question what I am doing here.

I wonder whether I even know who I am, much less how to convey such a thing in words.  I wonder, too, whether telling you about myself will distract you from the One Who Matters more than anything I can say or do or be.

The second question seems easier somehow, so I tackle it first.  He is the One Who made me into the woman I am, Who keeps on making me through time and trials and triumph.  When I tell you about myself, I am telling you His Story of creation and grace and beauty made from ashes.  I am celebrating the person He destined me to become on that day He spoke the world into existence.

And I want to tell you about this woman behind the words in order to put you at ease, to welcome you into my heart so you can stay and listen and hear the One Who writes this story.

But the first question still has me tongue-tied.  All the words dry up when I open my mouth to tell you who I am.  Is it The Fear holding me back--or just the complicated chaos of my humanity that defies translation into sentences.

Maybe it's both.

And I realize today is not the day to lay myself bare.

So while I wait for the words to find me, will you do something for me?

If you don't know me in real life--or don't know me well--will you tell me what you wonder about me, what would help you know this woman behind the words?  If you do know me well, what is it about me that you think others should know; what is it about the real me that brings meaning and a better understanding to the words I write here?

It doesn't need to be big or deep--and if you can't think of anything at all, don't worry.  I am confident that His words will come when the time is right.

And His words are always more than enough.

1 comment:

  1. Courtney-
    Love reading your story as you paint pictures with words in writing. My question would be "What events or particular people in your life story, were used by God to create this poetic, personal style of writing that you now use? The events and people could be both positive or negative ones.. in my focused living timeline, that I have made of my life, I have noticed that God has used both painful memories of my past and mixed them with the joyful soil of hope, to develop in me, a budding flower of life, ever growing, ever reaching up to Him. Another idea for you to muse on..I know that He will guide your thoughts and words as you travel on this journey with Him.

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