Over the last couple of weeks, every time I have sat down to write, no words have come. I am mostly feeling empty these days. Empty and tired. I know this will pass. I know my voice will return. I know my strength to keep moving forward will be renewed. But for now, in the wake of indescribable anger and unbearable hurt, I am just empty. On this Thankful Thursday, I am gathering all my strength to say, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him" (Job 13:15). Although I am empty and oh so tired, I am choosing to be grateful.
*I am thankful for the privilege of being a godmother. As I stood beside my godson as he was baptized this past weekend, I was overwhelmed both by the beauty and hope of that moment as well as the enormity of my responsibility to be an example to this child as he grows. Not overwhelmed in a bad way—more so that I find myself challenged and inspired to be a better person, to keep pressing on in this journey to find God again. I am grateful for the trust his parents have placed in me, for their belief in my ability to be a light to their son. And I am grateful to have one more reason to keep fighting.
*I am thankful for friends who are like family. You bring so much meaning to my life and make me feel like I belong. Thank you for that.
*I am thankful for a job that provides me with paid vacation time. I know many people are not so fortunate, and I am deeply grateful for the chance to rest, reconnect with friends, and find the strength to keep going.
*I am thankful for the courage to pursue more testing in the hopes of finding healing for my tired body. I have been in this place countless times before and always it has ended without a change in my chronic health struggles. It is hard to choose hope when there has been so much disappointment, but for now, I am choosing hope and I am choosing to be grateful for this hope.
*I am thankful for my dad—for a lot of reasons, but this week I am particularly grateful for his generosity in loaning me his fancy car and trailer and even more so because of his faith in my ability to do something I have never done before.
*I am thankful that my landlords did not let me out of my lease when I asked them to last fall. These last few months have given me the opportunity to adjust to the idea of moving and to prepare physically and emotionally. And the change in the market has opened up many more opportunities than I would have had even a few months ago. All of this means that I am feeling a tiny bit excited about what might be in store—and that is definitely a reason to give thanks.
Yes, even in this place, there is reason to be grateful. Will you join me?