Thursday, April 16, 2009

Thankful Thursday

It has been a hard week. I have a sense that I am making progress in this seemingly never-ending process of grieving, healing, and starting over. But it is messy and deeply painful. And to be honest, I have a hard time figuring out when I am moving forward and when I am going backward. Even so, I find that I am not without the ability, the strength, and even the desire to be grateful in the midst of this week. That fact alone is reason to give thanks—and perhaps reason to believe that I am moving forward after all.

*I am thankful for my garden. In recent weeks, I have been outside almost daily to check on the progress of all my plants as they slowly break free from their winter dormancy. It is reminding me to be patient, both with the coming of spring and my personal journey toward healing.

*I am thankful that the appearance of death is not always the reality of death. Several plants that I was certain had died are surprising me with the tiniest signs of life. I am holding onto the hope that even the parts of my heart that seem dead right now may yet have life in them.

*I am thankful for more blue-sky sunny-day weather. I was thinking yesterday how much I wanted the sun to soak into my being and push out all the darkness inside me. In little ways, I think sometimes it does that for me.

*I am thankful for the "after." After the apathy comes anger. After the anger comes hurt. After the hurt comes longing. And after the longing comes reconciliation. As much as I wish I could skip right to the end, I have a sense that this process makes the reconciliation sweeter, stronger, and more real.

*I am thankful for the power of written words. Somehow, after putting my thoughts down on paper, I feel like I have finally been HEARD. And being heard helps me make peace and move forward.

*I am thankful for all of you who have not been scared away by the rawness of my emotions and the depths of my doubt these past 7 months. Thank you for walking this road with me, for refusing to give up on me, for letting me grieve, for letting me be angry. You have been a blessing to me.

*I am thankful for the strength to keep fighting, to keep believing that there are better days ahead.

What are you thankful for today?

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